This week is National Stuttering Awareness Week, and I thought I'd do a post about stuttering because one of my best friends sometimes stutters. Before I met him, I'd never known anyone who stuttered and as such I never thought about it. It just never entered my mind. As I got to know him, it became something that I felt strongly about both because I knew him and because of other people's reactions to it.
The first day I met him was in drama class and he was my first improv partner. He had to say the name of a dinosaur which I don't think I could even pronounce, and he stuttered. Even though it took him awhile to say the word, it never occurred to me to do anything but let him finish saying it. Why would I do anything else? "I stutter sometimes. Let me finish." This is one of the most important things when it comes to someone who stutters. What is your reason for wanting to finish their sentences or trying to "help" them not stutter? Impatience is one. In our fast-paced society, everyone is always in a hurry, even in conversation. Conversation should be meaningful and slow, something that we take time with. Being friends with someone who stutters has taught me patience and the value of listening. I'm not a patient person, and I regretfully admit that I have finished his words for him sometimes. I have always hated myself after I do it. My friend is an intelligent person. I should listen to him say what he wants to say because his words have worth and meaning. Most of the time. Sometimes he's just a goofball. Just because someone stutters doesn't mean they're stupid or inarticulate. Listen to what is said, not how it is said.
I think it was my first drama performance that my grandparents came to, and afterwards they mentioned the guy who stuttered. I remember that it made me so mad that all they could see was his stutter. How could they not see his awesome acting ability instead? Why do we always focus on what's "different" with people? Why don't we only see the talents and traits that make them unique and wonderful? People who stutter are not weak or impaired. I cannot imagine the guts that it would take to perform and speak in front of people with a stutter and seemingly not care what people think of it. I know that I would not have the courage or strength to do it. I would hide and avoid any instance of speaking in front of people. I'd be quiet in conversation. But my friend doesn't do that. He does what he's passionate about, and doesn't let his stutter stop him. He lets his thoughts and opinions be known. People who stutter still have dreams and goals and things they want to achieve and it's our job as people who care about them to support and encourage them in that.
I know that it can sometimes be awkward to interact with someone who has a stutter or something similar. At first, I couldn't maintain eye contact with him when he stuttered. But now that we are good friends, whenever he stutters, I simply keep looking at him and wait for him to finish. If we allow ourselves to be chained by a stereotype or a misconception or an inability to push past our own awkwardness, we could miss out on knowing some amazing people. The simple truth about someone who stutters is that they should be treated like everyone else. Why would you treat them any differently just because they stutter? Why would the stutter matter?
I met my friend almost four years ago, and in that time, he has gotten so much better with his stutter. He hardly stutters at all now. But you know what? I hardly noticed that change. I hardly noticed because his stutter never defined him. He is a godly, confident, kind, funny, and talented individual and that has nothing to do with his stutter.
Even though I don't say his name, I want him and everyone who reads this to know just how proud I am of him, and his accomplishments, and his perseverance/hard work. And I am proud to be his friend.
~Clarissa
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Monday, May 8, 2017
How to be Confident
Confidence is a beautiful word. Everyone wants to be confident, both in themselves and their abilities. But when you struggle with self-esteem and self-love, being confident can seem impossible.
First, let me tell you what confidence is not. True confidence is not flashy or loud. It isn't the I-don't-care attitude that masks insecurity. It isn't pride that takes joy in overshadowing others. It is not an "identity." What is it then? True confidence comes from within -from knowing and loving who you are.
I was not a confident child. I was shy. I didn't really have friends. I didn't have any faith in myself. Then high school hit. While I now had friends, I had zero confidence. I was deathly afraid of what people thought of me and I constantly sought affirmation. I was depressed. I was caught in a pit of darkness that included both my emotional pain and thoughts that told me all the things that were wrong with me. I didn't like who I was. I didn't feel that I was pretty, or had a good body, or had a fun personality. I was pretty much the opposite of confident.
About a year or two ago, I started realizing that somewhere along the road of discovering who I was, I became confident. I could say I loved myself and mean it. I accepted my flaws and realized that they made me who I was. While I can't tell you exactly how I arrived at my current confidence level because I literally just woke up one day to realize that I was confident, I think I can pick out a few things:
1. God/My church. During my dark days, God felt extremely far away and more than once I yelled at Him because of my pain. Fear is what keeps you from being confident and I had so many fears. Fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, and many more. Through multiple sermons, I was challenged to let go of my fears and though sometimes walking up to the altar was the hardest thing, it ultimately cured me. I hated going up there because I was afraid of what people would think of me, but that's why it removed my fear.
2. Sheer determination. The best example I can give of this is my acne. People without it can never understand what it's like to go through this. Trust me, I know, because before I got it, I didn't understand my best friend's struggles. There were days were I couldn't look in the mirror at myself. I'm not kidding. I would refuse to look at myself because I hated my reflection so much. But you know what? I forced myself to look up and accept it. Every morning I would wake up, go to the mirror and look at the face staring back at me. I would smile and flip my hair, telling myself, you are beautiful. And it worked! Sure, there are days when I still don't feel pretty, but for the most part, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That makes me confident.
3. Happiness. When I wasn't confident, I listened too much to what other people told me. If a friend didn't think a color looked good on me, I wouldn't wear it. If my dad suggested I change something about the way I wrote, I would. But what I've learned is that if something makes you happy, then who cares about anything else? I recently bough a sweater that whenever I wore it would make me feel really cute and pretty. My mom told me she doesn't think it looks good on me. Did that hurt? Yes, of course. But I still wear it, because it makes me feel happy. If you're happy with yourself, you will be confident.
4. Acceptance/Contentment. I don't wear makeup so I can teach myself to feel beautiful just the way I am. I accept that God made me the way I am supposed to be, and I simply dismiss anyone who dislikes that person. (that isn't to say that I don't listen to friends pointing out character flaws I can work on). I rejoice in my talents and enjoy the ones that other people have instead of envying them. I refuse to listen to detrimental thoughts that I know are lies. I am beautiful, talented, and awesome.
5. Challenges. Since fear causes you not to be confident, challenging yourself can bring up your confidence level. I love singing, but I didn't think I had a good voice. But after doing auditions for drama and joining choir, I discovered that while I might not be Celine Dion, I sound my best when I give it all I've got and don't hold back out of fear.
While ultimately becoming confident can take you down a long and painful road, it is a journey worth taking. You discover who you are and once you hold that knowledge, nothing can stop you.
I absolutely love these lyrics from Jordan Smith's song "Stand in the Light" and I think they are a fitting end for this post:
This is who I am inside
This is who I am I'm not gonna hide
Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far
To stand in the light and be seen as we are
Stand in the light and be seen as we are
~Clarissa
First, let me tell you what confidence is not. True confidence is not flashy or loud. It isn't the I-don't-care attitude that masks insecurity. It isn't pride that takes joy in overshadowing others. It is not an "identity." What is it then? True confidence comes from within -from knowing and loving who you are.
I was not a confident child. I was shy. I didn't really have friends. I didn't have any faith in myself. Then high school hit. While I now had friends, I had zero confidence. I was deathly afraid of what people thought of me and I constantly sought affirmation. I was depressed. I was caught in a pit of darkness that included both my emotional pain and thoughts that told me all the things that were wrong with me. I didn't like who I was. I didn't feel that I was pretty, or had a good body, or had a fun personality. I was pretty much the opposite of confident.
About a year or two ago, I started realizing that somewhere along the road of discovering who I was, I became confident. I could say I loved myself and mean it. I accepted my flaws and realized that they made me who I was. While I can't tell you exactly how I arrived at my current confidence level because I literally just woke up one day to realize that I was confident, I think I can pick out a few things:
1. God/My church. During my dark days, God felt extremely far away and more than once I yelled at Him because of my pain. Fear is what keeps you from being confident and I had so many fears. Fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, and many more. Through multiple sermons, I was challenged to let go of my fears and though sometimes walking up to the altar was the hardest thing, it ultimately cured me. I hated going up there because I was afraid of what people would think of me, but that's why it removed my fear.
2. Sheer determination. The best example I can give of this is my acne. People without it can never understand what it's like to go through this. Trust me, I know, because before I got it, I didn't understand my best friend's struggles. There were days were I couldn't look in the mirror at myself. I'm not kidding. I would refuse to look at myself because I hated my reflection so much. But you know what? I forced myself to look up and accept it. Every morning I would wake up, go to the mirror and look at the face staring back at me. I would smile and flip my hair, telling myself, you are beautiful. And it worked! Sure, there are days when I still don't feel pretty, but for the most part, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That makes me confident.
3. Happiness. When I wasn't confident, I listened too much to what other people told me. If a friend didn't think a color looked good on me, I wouldn't wear it. If my dad suggested I change something about the way I wrote, I would. But what I've learned is that if something makes you happy, then who cares about anything else? I recently bough a sweater that whenever I wore it would make me feel really cute and pretty. My mom told me she doesn't think it looks good on me. Did that hurt? Yes, of course. But I still wear it, because it makes me feel happy. If you're happy with yourself, you will be confident.
4. Acceptance/Contentment. I don't wear makeup so I can teach myself to feel beautiful just the way I am. I accept that God made me the way I am supposed to be, and I simply dismiss anyone who dislikes that person. (that isn't to say that I don't listen to friends pointing out character flaws I can work on). I rejoice in my talents and enjoy the ones that other people have instead of envying them. I refuse to listen to detrimental thoughts that I know are lies. I am beautiful, talented, and awesome.
5. Challenges. Since fear causes you not to be confident, challenging yourself can bring up your confidence level. I love singing, but I didn't think I had a good voice. But after doing auditions for drama and joining choir, I discovered that while I might not be Celine Dion, I sound my best when I give it all I've got and don't hold back out of fear.
While ultimately becoming confident can take you down a long and painful road, it is a journey worth taking. You discover who you are and once you hold that knowledge, nothing can stop you.
I absolutely love these lyrics from Jordan Smith's song "Stand in the Light" and I think they are a fitting end for this post:
This is who I am inside
This is who I am I'm not gonna hide
Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far
To stand in the light and be seen as we are
Stand in the light and be seen as we are
~Clarissa
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