When the Lord Hath Taken Away

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

In October, the mom of one of my fellow drama students died from cancer, leaving behind five children all under the age of fourteen. I was not able to attend her memorial service, but it was hard seeing my classmate and knowing what he must be going through.

Mid-November, I went through something that broke my heart and left me wondering how close God really is to me.

Later in November, a father of two boys that we knew died from colon cancer.

Again in November, I found out that one of my close friend's family is going through a tough time.

In December, I heard about a father of ten children who died in an accident.

Last Sunday, we learned that a couple in our church lost their baby granddaughter.

And just today, I learned that a girl in my drama class lost her baby sibling to a miscarriage.

WHY? Why in the world has so much happened in the last two months? There is so much pain for all these people and every single thing has made my heart break and my soul heavy. There is all this awful, saddening stuff happening and so close together. I want to cry just thinking about it now. I'm not going to lie. Pain hurts. Pain sucks. Pain overwhelms. Pain can just grab your heart and break it into a billion pieces until you don't know how it is possible that you are still breathing.

But you know what? I respect pain. I respect tragedy. I could almost say that I welcome it (sometimes). Why? Because pain has the power to transform us in ways that joy never can. I've gone through rough times, and depression, and suicidal thoughts, and apathy, and just hating life in general. All of that is pain. And yet every time, I come out on the other side stronger and better than before. God uses tragedy to change us, to purify us, and to teach us. Sometimes God closes doors and we don't understand why. We scream at Him and demand to know why it hurts so much (been there, done that). However, I choose to believe that there is a reason for every single thing that happens to me whether it's pain or joy. 

I can't pretend to understand what all those families are going through, or even why I went through what I did. But I do choose to believe that God gives, and He takes away. I am grateful for what He gives, and I must choose to be grateful for what He takes away. I must choose to believe that His plan may not make sense to me now, but it is still perfect. I must choose to praise His name in the midst of my pain. It is not an easy road to get there. There will be moments of weakness and doubt. Trusting God will not always take the pain away. In the end, though, God will still be God, and His love and peace and joy will never go away.