If you ask my best friends about me and stress, they'll tell you I get stressed out a lot. Very stressed out sometimes. I have a dominant personality trait of wanting to please people, to live up to their expectations, and not wanting to burden them. It's a good thing to want to make other people happy. That feeling that you get when you cleaned up the kitchen super-duper well and your mom comes home and she loves it? That's a good thing.
What isn't a good thing is when you sacrifice your emotional and mental well-being to live up to someone else's expectations. It isn't good when you come to define your self-worth on whether you made your parents happy or not. I'm not saying that you shouldn't obey your parents or not try to live up to their standards. The Bible tells us to honor our parents. But feeling stressed out and unworthy is not healthy. And most of the time, it isn't your parents fault either. You have to decide how you're going to handle yourself.
For me, stress comes from school. I'm an A student in almost every subject. Why the heck would I get stressed out then? First of all, I push myself- perhaps too hard. I remember beating myself up about getting a low A or a high B on a test. A couple of the girls at my table were like, oh shut up, you don't have any room to talk, your grades are fine. I shut up. But in my head I was thinking about the questions I missed and why I missed them and if I could have studied more and if I had gone with my first instinct, and on and on. I will admit that sometimes I could study more. Then I deserve to chastise myself, but just a little. I see the consequences, and determine to do better in the future. Beating myself up about it is not going to change my test score! However, I remember one time I studied so hard for a health test and received 93%. I had thought I was going to score higher than 95%. I remember my mom not being thrilled about that score and I immediately felt horrible. I had studied so hard and she wasn't happy with my score? It was health, guys. In like 8th grade. Obviously though, since I remember it, it hurt.
I have come to realize that how well I do on my test does not define how great of a human being I am. But I was defining my self-worth by my test grades. That's not okay! And it doesn't have to be grades. It can be how many goals you scored in your last soccer game or what place you got at the science fair. It does not define you. God made you beautiful, unique, and special. Nobody else can be me. Somebody else might get better grades, but are they Clarissa? No. And I love who I am. That should be enough.
I would be grounded from emailing on my tablet if I received grades lower than a B. That has happened multiple times in math (ugh!) and Spanish. Each time, I would cry. I felt like such a failure. Every time I took a test, there was this twisting knot in my stomach. Would I get a high enough score?
I still struggle with stress. This year has turned out to be especially busy and there's all these things that both my parents and I want to accomplish and excel at and some things just they want me to, and then I have my stuff too and I feel overwhelmed.There are days when I want to just give up- go to sleep and not wake up for a very long time. I have to remember that I can't do it by myself. That's why I get stressed out- because I'm trying to do it on my own. Only God can get me through this.
There are situations when you can overdo it, however. It's okay to say no to something (even if your parents think it'd be a great opportunity!) if you are already committed to a lot of things. And it's also okay to say no to something if doing it would cause you to lose the time that you use to recharge and de-stress. That is also vital to your well-being and you shouldn't disregard it even if it seems selfish not to. It's just as important to sing your heart out in choir as it is to study to get a good grade on your English final. God has given each of us gifts and talents. Remember that you are loved and that you are worthy!
~Clarissa
P.S. Sorry that was so long!
I completely understand stressing about school.
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