Ever since I posted my first video on YouTube for a school assignment, I've entertained dreams of posting videos and having a full channel. At first, I dismissed it as becoming reality because I had no idea what to post about. Now, I have a few ideas, but the dream still refuses to look realistic. My ideas are these:
1. Song covers
2. Dance videos
3. Performance sign language videos
The problems with making this happen are many. The first is that I lack a good camera and knowledge of how to shoot different angles and all that good stuff. Good cameras are expensive, and I don't have money to buy one. If I were to shoot now, it would be using my tablet. The second problem is good lighting/location, for all the ideas, but especially the dance ones. Audio quality would be another, though that pretty much only pertains to if I did covers. I don't own a microphone, and those are also expensive. But that's just the technical stuff.
The second batch of problems don't have to do with equipment. There's the confidence factor. I love singing, and I love dancing, but number one am I confident enough to post myself doing those things on the Internet, and number two, am I confident enough to do it in front of the person that would have to film for me? The answer is an iffy yes to the first, and an iffy no to the second. Also, do I have time? I already struggle with blogging enough and I'm not even in school right now.
Regardless of any of those problems, I probably won't be posting any videos until I'm eighteen. But that's if I decide to post at all and if I'm even able to. I have aspirations and dreams, but will they become reality? I suppose we will just have to wait and see.
~Clarissa
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Goals for 2017
It's rather common for people to make "New Year's Resolutions" at the start of a new year. A man at my church informed us today that only eight percent of people keep their resolutions. That is a really low percentage. Around Christmastime, I thought that I wasn't going to make any. I haven't ever really, but if I did, I was part of the ninety-two percent of people who didn't keep them.
But somewhere along the line of the couple of days before New Year's, I decided that there were some things that I wanted to change about my life this year. They were little things and as such, I wasn't sure if they were even worth making a formal declaration about.
I'm not calling them new year's resolutions, because for some reason that just doesn't sound right. Therefore, I'm calling them new year's goals. I didn't really announce them to the world either, just a couple close friends. One of my friends said that they were quite achievable, but as small as they are, I believe that they will present a challenge. However, that doesn't scare me anymore and I am ready for the challenge.
So here are my goals for 2017!
1. Drink enough water. I've had a problem with staying hydrated this past year, and it's at times gotten so bad that I've gotten pretty intense headaches. It's just a matter of developing a habit and inconveniencing my impatient self to drink the whole bottle.
2. Eat less sugar. I think I may qualify for saying that I have a sugar addiction. I eat way too much of it and I believe that it has become a comfort for me instead of turning to God. Eating sugar is also supposed to contribute to acne, and I am going to clear up my skin this year.
3. Stress less. I have a major problem with stress and I believe that the steps I must take to conquer it will draw me closer to God and address some of the emotional issues that I have with my family, fear, and failure.
4. Write 100,000 words. This was just kinda something that I came up with out of the blue, but if I do NaNoWriMo this year, I should have any easy time with doing 50k during the remaining eleven months of the year. (If I don't, I shall be very mad). But the main purpose of this goal is to get me to write more.
I look forward to what 2017 will bring!
~Clarissa
But somewhere along the line of the couple of days before New Year's, I decided that there were some things that I wanted to change about my life this year. They were little things and as such, I wasn't sure if they were even worth making a formal declaration about.
I'm not calling them new year's resolutions, because for some reason that just doesn't sound right. Therefore, I'm calling them new year's goals. I didn't really announce them to the world either, just a couple close friends. One of my friends said that they were quite achievable, but as small as they are, I believe that they will present a challenge. However, that doesn't scare me anymore and I am ready for the challenge.
So here are my goals for 2017!
1. Drink enough water. I've had a problem with staying hydrated this past year, and it's at times gotten so bad that I've gotten pretty intense headaches. It's just a matter of developing a habit and inconveniencing my impatient self to drink the whole bottle.
2. Eat less sugar. I think I may qualify for saying that I have a sugar addiction. I eat way too much of it and I believe that it has become a comfort for me instead of turning to God. Eating sugar is also supposed to contribute to acne, and I am going to clear up my skin this year.
3. Stress less. I have a major problem with stress and I believe that the steps I must take to conquer it will draw me closer to God and address some of the emotional issues that I have with my family, fear, and failure.
4. Write 100,000 words. This was just kinda something that I came up with out of the blue, but if I do NaNoWriMo this year, I should have any easy time with doing 50k during the remaining eleven months of the year. (If I don't, I shall be very mad). But the main purpose of this goal is to get me to write more.
I look forward to what 2017 will bring!
~Clarissa
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Christmas Magic?
I cannot believe that Christmas is only five days away.....It always sneaks up on me now. It didn't use to when I was little. Back then, the days would drag on agonizingly slow and it seemed Christmas morning would never come. And then came the excitement and screams of delight as I furiously tore into my presents. Now Christmas is rather silent and there's nothing I really really want anymore. (except maybe a smartphone. hint hint.) All the magic has been lost, and that makes me sad. But has it really been lost?
This year, the thing that has me the most excited is that my aunt is arriving on Thursday. I am so happy that she's coming a day earlier than we thought she was. Right now, I am eagerly watching for my best friend's Christmas package to be delivered. Later on in the break, I'll go with a group of friends to see the new Star Wars movie. It was when I thought about all those things that I realized that the magic has not been lost. It has simply changed.
Christmas when I was little was simply about getting all the toys I wanted. It was all about me. I may be sad that I no longer care about decorating the tree, but I think I've traded that for something better.
Christmas for me is now more about the time that I get to spend with my family and friends. I love having the break from school to be able to do stuff with my friends and watch movies with my family and have Christmas dinner and listen to amazing Christmas music that reminds me of the real reason that we celebrate Christmas.
Christmas is truly about reading the Christmas story and knowing that the little tiny baby in a manger would grow up to save the world. It's about the light of the star that was just a taste of the light of the world that we would soon come to know. It's about the wise men's gifts that started the tradition of giving gifts to those we love. It's all about the greatest gift of all: Jesus.
Merry Christmas!
~Clarissa
This year, the thing that has me the most excited is that my aunt is arriving on Thursday. I am so happy that she's coming a day earlier than we thought she was. Right now, I am eagerly watching for my best friend's Christmas package to be delivered. Later on in the break, I'll go with a group of friends to see the new Star Wars movie. It was when I thought about all those things that I realized that the magic has not been lost. It has simply changed.
Christmas when I was little was simply about getting all the toys I wanted. It was all about me. I may be sad that I no longer care about decorating the tree, but I think I've traded that for something better.
Christmas for me is now more about the time that I get to spend with my family and friends. I love having the break from school to be able to do stuff with my friends and watch movies with my family and have Christmas dinner and listen to amazing Christmas music that reminds me of the real reason that we celebrate Christmas.
Christmas is truly about reading the Christmas story and knowing that the little tiny baby in a manger would grow up to save the world. It's about the light of the star that was just a taste of the light of the world that we would soon come to know. It's about the wise men's gifts that started the tradition of giving gifts to those we love. It's all about the greatest gift of all: Jesus.
Merry Christmas!
~Clarissa
Friday, December 16, 2016
Writing Ugliness
Inspiration can come from anywhere. I mean, literally anywhere. I've got a new project going that arose out of a conversation I had with my friend Kelton. He joked that he was killing me, we had this super weird conversation about torture, and thus The Blood Oath was born.
I've never written a fantasy piece before. I've recently gotten into Brandon Sanderson, who writes epic fantasy but yet fantasy hasn't really pulled at me as a genre that I would write. But, Kelton writes quite a bit of fantasy and the premise of The Blood Oath really wouldn't fit into any other genre. This piece has some firsts for me and writing fantasy is one. The other is writing in omniscient POV. It's also a bit different because we're writing this together and while I've written pieces with other people before it's always gone like this: I write a chunk, and then they write a chunk. With this piece and its POV, Kelton and I sometimes are writing every other sentence but it provides a lot better cohesion of characters and events. But I would say the biggest first for this project is the ugliness that it contains.
I've always been a bit torn about how much ugliness to include in my stories and I've never really written a story about characters who are truly jaded and involved in deeds that aren't right and good. One of the two protagonists, Hanilov, is a street gang member who aspires to become an assassin. He doesn't care much for anyone, he enjoys inflicting pain, and he's an overall jerk. The other protagonist, Esterlyn, comes from a race that is very violent and barbaric and yet she determines to be different.
Without giving spoilers to the story, there is a lot of bloodiness in the way Hanilov treats Esterlyn. He attacks her, tortures her, and almost kills her quite regularly. There are also several instances of his forcing himself on her. Kelton wrote the first bit of it and I was surprised by its intensity and gore. My initial reaction was, this is disturbing and we shouldn't be writing this.
How far should you go when writing ugliness? There's no need to be over-the-top, but you shouldn't sugarcoat either. The reality is there are people out there who do what Hanilov does every day. It's ugly and yes frankly, it's disturbing. But it should be disturbing. When something disturbs us it is able to move us to action. The second part to it is that without ugliness, there can be no beauty. The ending of this story (which I am not going to spoil, sorry) would not be the amazing and beautiful ending that it will be without all the ugliness that precedes it. The depravity from the fall that is showcased in characters like Hanilov is in all of us. It's only a matter of whether we let it take over or not. It's important to know, though, that it is there. Otherwise, we cannot guard against it. And the knowledge of it allows our ugliness to be redeemed into beauty by God.
Don't be afraid of the ugliness!
~Clarissa
I've never written a fantasy piece before. I've recently gotten into Brandon Sanderson, who writes epic fantasy but yet fantasy hasn't really pulled at me as a genre that I would write. But, Kelton writes quite a bit of fantasy and the premise of The Blood Oath really wouldn't fit into any other genre. This piece has some firsts for me and writing fantasy is one. The other is writing in omniscient POV. It's also a bit different because we're writing this together and while I've written pieces with other people before it's always gone like this: I write a chunk, and then they write a chunk. With this piece and its POV, Kelton and I sometimes are writing every other sentence but it provides a lot better cohesion of characters and events. But I would say the biggest first for this project is the ugliness that it contains.
I've always been a bit torn about how much ugliness to include in my stories and I've never really written a story about characters who are truly jaded and involved in deeds that aren't right and good. One of the two protagonists, Hanilov, is a street gang member who aspires to become an assassin. He doesn't care much for anyone, he enjoys inflicting pain, and he's an overall jerk. The other protagonist, Esterlyn, comes from a race that is very violent and barbaric and yet she determines to be different.
Without giving spoilers to the story, there is a lot of bloodiness in the way Hanilov treats Esterlyn. He attacks her, tortures her, and almost kills her quite regularly. There are also several instances of his forcing himself on her. Kelton wrote the first bit of it and I was surprised by its intensity and gore. My initial reaction was, this is disturbing and we shouldn't be writing this.
How far should you go when writing ugliness? There's no need to be over-the-top, but you shouldn't sugarcoat either. The reality is there are people out there who do what Hanilov does every day. It's ugly and yes frankly, it's disturbing. But it should be disturbing. When something disturbs us it is able to move us to action. The second part to it is that without ugliness, there can be no beauty. The ending of this story (which I am not going to spoil, sorry) would not be the amazing and beautiful ending that it will be without all the ugliness that precedes it. The depravity from the fall that is showcased in characters like Hanilov is in all of us. It's only a matter of whether we let it take over or not. It's important to know, though, that it is there. Otherwise, we cannot guard against it. And the knowledge of it allows our ugliness to be redeemed into beauty by God.
Don't be afraid of the ugliness!
~Clarissa
Sunday, December 11, 2016
When the Lord Hath Taken Away
"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)
In October, the mom of one of my fellow drama students died from cancer, leaving behind five children all under the age of fourteen. I was not able to attend her memorial service, but it was hard seeing my classmate and knowing what he must be going through.
Mid-November, I went through something that broke my heart and left me wondering how close God really is to me.
Later in November, a father of two boys that we knew died from colon cancer.
Again in November, I found out that one of my close friend's family is going through a tough time.
In December, I heard about a father of ten children who died in an accident.
Last Sunday, we learned that a couple in our church lost their baby granddaughter.
And just today, I learned that a girl in my drama class lost her baby sibling to a miscarriage.
WHY? Why in the world has so much happened in the last two months? There is so much pain for all these people and every single thing has made my heart break and my soul heavy. There is all this awful, saddening stuff happening and so close together. I want to cry just thinking about it now. I'm not going to lie. Pain hurts. Pain sucks. Pain overwhelms. Pain can just grab your heart and break it into a billion pieces until you don't know how it is possible that you are still breathing.
But you know what? I respect pain. I respect tragedy. I could almost say that I welcome it (sometimes). Why? Because pain has the power to transform us in ways that joy never can. I've gone through rough times, and depression, and suicidal thoughts, and apathy, and just hating life in general. All of that is pain. And yet every time, I come out on the other side stronger and better than before. God uses tragedy to change us, to purify us, and to teach us. Sometimes God closes doors and we don't understand why. We scream at Him and demand to know why it hurts so much (been there, done that). However, I choose to believe that there is a reason for every single thing that happens to me whether it's pain or joy.
I can't pretend to understand what all those families are going through, or even why I went through what I did. But I do choose to believe that God gives, and He takes away. I am grateful for what He gives, and I must choose to be grateful for what He takes away. I must choose to believe that His plan may not make sense to me now, but it is still perfect. I must choose to praise His name in the midst of my pain. It is not an easy road to get there. There will be moments of weakness and doubt. Trusting God will not always take the pain away. In the end, though, God will still be God, and His love and peace and joy will never go away.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Election 2016
I was going to write this the Friday after the elections, but life got in the way. Sorry about that.
This was the first election that I had social media for and that I actually really truly cared about (I was thirteen last time they happened). Let me just say that I almost couldn't take how many political posts there were on Facebook. But the thing that saddened me the most was how deeply divided this country was over this election, especially Christians. People were trash-talking each other or being rude or throwing insults at each other. That isn't Christians behavior! That isn't imitating God.
There was division in my own home. My dad voted for one candidate that my mother did not support. It never got too heated in front of me and my brother, but I have to wonder if it did other times. One of the things that I liked about my writing group of friends is that we were able to calmly discuss and disagree and then reach a consensus.
We didn't reach a consensus about the candidates, really. We came to a consensus about our country's situation and how we were going to act.
1. God is still God, no matter who is President.
2. We as Christians have a duty to pray even for a President we don't like.
3. (my favorite) Our President is only allowed to step outside of God's will as much as he is allowed.
We should have peace about our country because God is in control. At the same time, we have to pray and intercede for our nation. If our country becomes evil, it is the fault of the saints who have not executed judgement. I know that after Obama became President for the second time that I didn't pray for him. I should have. And I will pray for Trump and if Clinton had become President, I would have prayed for her.
We have to remember that we are first and foremost citizens of God's kingdom and then of our nation. And we do not fight against the physical realm, but the spiritual. Our country is ours and God's and we fight for it, regardless of who is President or bad things look.
God bless America
~Clarissa
This was the first election that I had social media for and that I actually really truly cared about (I was thirteen last time they happened). Let me just say that I almost couldn't take how many political posts there were on Facebook. But the thing that saddened me the most was how deeply divided this country was over this election, especially Christians. People were trash-talking each other or being rude or throwing insults at each other. That isn't Christians behavior! That isn't imitating God.
There was division in my own home. My dad voted for one candidate that my mother did not support. It never got too heated in front of me and my brother, but I have to wonder if it did other times. One of the things that I liked about my writing group of friends is that we were able to calmly discuss and disagree and then reach a consensus.
We didn't reach a consensus about the candidates, really. We came to a consensus about our country's situation and how we were going to act.
1. God is still God, no matter who is President.
2. We as Christians have a duty to pray even for a President we don't like.
3. (my favorite) Our President is only allowed to step outside of God's will as much as he is allowed.
We should have peace about our country because God is in control. At the same time, we have to pray and intercede for our nation. If our country becomes evil, it is the fault of the saints who have not executed judgement. I know that after Obama became President for the second time that I didn't pray for him. I should have. And I will pray for Trump and if Clinton had become President, I would have prayed for her.
We have to remember that we are first and foremost citizens of God's kingdom and then of our nation. And we do not fight against the physical realm, but the spiritual. Our country is ours and God's and we fight for it, regardless of who is President or bad things look.
God bless America
~Clarissa
Friday, November 4, 2016
When Life Gets Crazy
I remembered it was Friday just now, and that's my day for a new blog post! But the thing is, do I have time to write this?
I have an assignment due tomorrow that I had no idea was due until yesterday and it's not going very well.
My grandparents and aunt arrive today and that means CLEAN THE HOUSE.
I have a chiropractic appointment after which I cannot do cleaning, so all must be done before 10:40am.
I am about 3,000 words behind on my NaNoWriMo count.....
It's easy to get frustrated and stressed and just wonder how much I can take before I go crazy and start snapping at my mom or brother. You've been there. I know you have.
Together, let's take a deep breath. God is in control. In the midst of your craziness, take time to smell the roses. Even if just for 5 minutes. Listen to your favorite song. Scribble a cute scene between your book's ship. Eat some chocolate. Enjoy the little things. Because while there are huge moments that we say have defined us, it is the mundane, every day happenings that also make us who we are.
To staying sane!
~Clarissa
I have an assignment due tomorrow that I had no idea was due until yesterday and it's not going very well.
My grandparents and aunt arrive today and that means CLEAN THE HOUSE.
I have a chiropractic appointment after which I cannot do cleaning, so all must be done before 10:40am.
I am about 3,000 words behind on my NaNoWriMo count.....
It's easy to get frustrated and stressed and just wonder how much I can take before I go crazy and start snapping at my mom or brother. You've been there. I know you have.
Together, let's take a deep breath. God is in control. In the midst of your craziness, take time to smell the roses. Even if just for 5 minutes. Listen to your favorite song. Scribble a cute scene between your book's ship. Eat some chocolate. Enjoy the little things. Because while there are huge moments that we say have defined us, it is the mundane, every day happenings that also make us who we are.
To staying sane!
~Clarissa
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